Creative Writing

I have been reading What We Ache For by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, a book about unfolding your creativity. I have had many breakthrough's while reading this book and doing the creative exercises through out. The exercise today really opened my heart and mind.... (I realize some things may seem funny or wierd, but in all honesty, i am funny and wierd)

Make a list of all the roles you fulfill and with which you identify:
Wife
Teacher
Friend
Student
Lover
Animal Listener
Worker
Mother
Spiritualist
Caretaker
Singer
Writer
Hairstylist
Artist
Sister
Daughter
Anchor
Dreamer
Realist

I am not a Wife, but the place where Wife arises.
I am not a Friend, but the place where Friend arises.
I am not a Lover, but the place where Lover arises.
I am not a Worker, but the place where Worker arises.
I am not a Spiritualist, but the place where Spiritualist arises.
I am not a Caretaker, but the place where Caretaker arises.
I am not a Singer, but the place where Singer arises.
I am not a Writer, but the place where Writer arises.
I am not a Hairstylist, but the place where Hairstylist arises.
I am not an Artist, but the place where Artist arises.
I am not a Sister, but the place where Sister arises.
I am not a Daughter, but the place where Daughter arises.
I am not an Anchor, but the place where Anchor arises.
I am not a Dreamer, but the place where Dreamer arises.
I am not a Realist, but the place where Realist arises.
I am not a Teacher, but the place where Teacher arises.
I am not a Student, but the place where Student arises.
I am not an Animal Listener, but the place where Animal Listener arises.
I am not a Mother, but the place where Mother arises.

- I am not any one thing. I am not the characteristic, but the house for which these arise. Heavenly Father created our spirits to soar, our spirits are not defined by characteristic, they are where characteristics or ideas arise.

Must be strangely excited, somewhat heart-telling

News everyday. News from those around you, those you don't know, news about yourself. Some feel sad, others happy. Sometimes its quite affecting to your soul.

Should all you hear affect you so? If one then why not all? Have we the right to judge what is important to feel and what should not?

When we finally feel, and our deeply affected, everything is significant. It is said we must be compelled to be humbled so we can then truly see and therefore really soar to true heights.

When i am compelled to humility, i feel as though maybe i should always feel this way. For once i feel as though i am truly soaring i am again knocked down, i am lowered and crushed. Must i need to always be crushed. Is it then a question, of looking around while i am on the ground instead of immediately looking to the sky and wonder why i am not there, and how i can fly again.

There are feelings in my heart, things that cannot be reached unless provided by outer circumstances. Why do they limit my heart? Will i only find these answers while on the ground? My mind thinks it more easily seen from the sky, is that not meant to be for my eyes?

The ground is sure, it is steady. I am sure to find what i am looking for here. Humility will only grant me better eye-sight for this treasure i seek. I only wish to soar above the obstacles in the pathway, but that is a selfish wish. The treasure i am looking for leads my heart, selfishness only diminishes the specialness of what i will find inside when i reach it.

These wings in which we are given must not be meant for flying, but for the mere fact that WE CAN fly. And because i can does not mean i should or must. My soul and the Spirit leads my heart, i must focus on that fact and not the wings on my back. I must walk my pathway with gratitude and humility. Not looking to the sky nor the ground, but straight ahead with hope, and look around with an open heart and mind to see and to learn. Only then will my treasure be found. With my humble heart and open eyes.

Kat Von D, Lousy Stomach, and a Birthday Weekend

This is my sister Aimee. She is cute. She also is very brave when it comes to trying new things in the hair department, which of course, I LOVE!! Sometimes i will go so long doing the same thing, over and over. Don't get me wrong, i love it all and put my own twists on things to keep it interesting, but Aimee always has good ideas. Yesterday she wanted to add some blond chunks, similar to Kat Von D's hair (LA INK). Being so inspired i styled it just like Kat as well. What a good hair day :)

And so, crappily, today i am not feeling superior. My stomach is in an uproar for some reason. Now, having known my stomach for 23 years now, i am quite aware of the things which sets it off. For instance, i know i am lactose intolerant, i know when i drink alot of orange juice bad things happen. But for the life of me, i can not figure out what the heck is going on! I feel so gross! I went to sleep early not feeling good then, and woke up at around 9 a.m. still feeling yucky, then sat on the couch for a few hours still not finding an answer! Thankfully, i had a window of O.K.ness and drove myself to Sprouts and got these yummy items. Late July is my favorite brand of crackers, and i really wanted Blue Sky Lemon Lime organic soda pop, sadly they were out. But, i did find this new OOGAVE brand soda pop in Watermelon Cream. Quite delicious :)

This last weekend was Josh's birthday! I love my husband....i remember on his birthday 5 years ago when i ate his candy bar at school and i didn't even really know him yet.....sigh....Luckily i know him now and i love him more and more everyday. We celebrated in Flagstaff with his family and some friends and had a blasty blast! I had to take a picture of his outfit that morning, the shirt was a present from his brother and he actually wore this out of the cabin (eek!) He doesn't care, and i don't really either, i love the guy. It is a funny outfit is it not?? I LOVE YOU JOSHUA!!

the end

Lately

Good day to all! To explain my absence, all i can say is that sometimes computers just make me anxious. Not sometimes, all the time. It doesn't help that ours is a bit slow either.

I am attempting to get back in touch with myself again...it seems i lose myself every once and a while. I am reading more inspirational things, trying to read my scriptures a bit more. I know that sounds cheesy, but i love history and the scriptures to me are so interesting, and historical, and very inspirational. I am starting to write more, not anything good, just thoughts and what not....writing and scriptures go along together for me because they get me thinking a lot. Not even religious so much, i wouldn't even say i am very religious, but information and stories they tell really capture my thoughts.

Religious......what is that? Am i actually religious? Hmmm.....I believe in heaven, i know i have a Heavenly Father, i know Jesus is real, i believe in the great comforter....i believe and know...i always have....i don't even know when i knew for sure or how it happened....maybe i just was born knowing, is that possible?I believe in the basic goodness of everyone on earth. I know everyone feels good, whether they portray it or not. I feel the spirit of heaven and good in music, and words. I See God in the earth, i have a great understanding for those who worship the earth and why they do. Every plant, and animal, its all amazing.. I would say yes i am spiritual, but religious, i am not sure?

Anyhoo, i am attempting also to make over my house a bit. I have ideas in my head for every room. The hard part is obtaining items when you are lacking funds. I did get my mom's vanity that was buried in the back room of my gramma's house. My gramma is so silly, she has SO much stuff. One of my most favorite things to do in life is to go through her house looking for treasures. She has so so many and i feel somewhat like i am searching for pieces of my soul in there...ok that was an exaggeration, but still, i love it. This time imparticular was not as joyous however, Josh and I took about 7 showers in one shower time after we left there. What a disaster that place is! We had to first clear a path just to get to the vanity, then when all the drawers were out, we had to clear a bigger path to get it out! Ew so gross! And on top of that, she has only swamp cooler and it was over 100 degrees outside...so yucky! Guiltily, i did find so much i wanted to take from there, i admit it, someday when we need something or have more room in a new house i will go back. I doubt Josh will go back with me, but i don't care. Treasure hunting at grandmas house is one of my favorite things :)

Another weekend, we painted long stripes on a wall in our dining area...

This picture doesn't really do it justice, i love the color we found so much! The color is called Rich Raisin! OOh beautiful! I love to paint! I could be a painter and live a happy life i think...

Good bye, till next time i start to think about something.....

HEY, i put some new shoes on!

I ordered some new shoes from Toms shoes!! For every pair of shoes, or item you buy, one pair if shoes goes to children who dont have any...most likely in ETHIOPIA! YAY! here are the ones i ordered..

I plan on decorating them to my liking since the ones i really wanted are no longer available to order! POOPOO! But this way they will look exactly how i want them too...you know i will keep ya posted on the delivery and finished product! Check out http://www.tomsshoes.com

To You

I close me eyes, i feel you there

I sense you know, i am here...somewhere

you've created a life

one that belongs to me

a child sent from heaven

through you to me

I do not know what causes you pain

i do not know what more you'll gain

i feel your heart deep inside

i know your out there wondering why

I wonder too, i've cried all day

you think to yourself, does it have to be this way

you've been through so much, you've been placed here now

our hearts or forever akindled, yet we dont know how

I dream a dream, every now and again

i see that face, i feel soft skin

i know it's mine, from you again

right now you know how they feel inside

but i will forever know their face, their smile

you gave life to a being so small

they were sent through you to me after all

I might never know you, nor will they

but i will forever feel you, you will always stay

you will give me something, something i know god has prepared

an Angel from heaven You are sent to save

Please know i am thankful, i know i feel you here

we both missed out on something, so precious and dear

I love you more everyday, i pray to heaven to keep you safe

i understand not why it had to be this way

but keep me close to your heart also

and please let me stay...

I get by with a little help from my friends

Ever since i can remember, which is very long ago, how just love summer time! I love the smell, i love the first day you wear shorts and feel not a single cold wind, i love monsoons, i love the heat...yes i do! When i was a little girl and up till my teenage years, i would swim all day and night and sometimes even sleep in my swim suit...disgusting i know but i didn't see the point in changing when i would just be getting back into one when i wake up! As i got older though, i noticed just how tan i got, sometimes really really dark. Of course it doesn't help that i am half Hispanic (i am not being politically correct i just didn't feel like saying the exact fraction of Mexican and Puerto Rican). But for some odd reason, i always end up with a stupid sunglasses' tan on my face! How frustrating it can be! And then, i realized, hey, your face shouldn't be getting tan at all! I don't want skin cancer or even worse, WRINKLES! So my search has gone from good make up bronzer to a really good "fake tan" bronzer for the face. And i say, i have found one. I shall unveil it to thee:
So that is it, the little one on the right! I love it! It smells good and is gradual so i don't have and crazy lines anywhere at all! I got it at the beauty supply store so if anyone wants to try it, let me know! OH! and it is only $11! WOO HOO!

My days as a Crosswalk Lady

The morning was still. Clouds were in the sky. I looked up and smiled as little drops of rain came down. It was a peaceful feeling in my heart. I knew it was the end, the last day of this chapter in my life. I felt the calm, the sadness, the happiness, but mostly peace. Isn't that what we want to feel in the end of something?

I will always remember each child. I might not know there names, but their sweet little spirits will always be in my heart. I learned so much about that corner. I knew the people, the cars, how fast the light changes, i watched the sun move in the sky showing me summer to winter and back to summer again. I knew everyday what the weather had in store. I watched cars and people come and go, and come and go again...

Ralph was a man that rode his bike to work every morning. He was married, from Utah, and always smelled somewhat of alcohol. His nephew caught a 300 pound fish in Florida during Spring Break this year. He went to Texas three weeks ago to celebrate his Moms 89th birthday. He called me darlin instead of Alex because that is a boys name...

One lady, not just one lady, one of the nicest people i will ever meet would bring us water and punch when it was hot outside and hot pastries when we where freezing outside. We had to communicate through her son because she only spoke Spanish. She will always be in my heart and i will forever be thankful for her kindness.

So many children i will remember... three brothers and their two sisters that have beautiful eyes, a group of girls who annoyed the crap out of me but always made me smile and gave me hugs, a brother and sister i yelled at every afternoon for being so late but every morning they made up for it somehow, one boy commented on my hair every single day.."why you wear your hair like that?" "why did you paint your hair again?" "i like you better with your hair straight".....so many children with so much love....

Yes, being the crosswalk lady was memorable, exciting, and sometimes rough, but i will always be grateful for what it gave me. Memories, friends, laughter, frustration, a pay check, everything you could just imagine from standing on a busy intersection corner, my corner, everyday...I will remember it just that way.........

I wonder.....

Like most expectant mothers do, i often wonder what my baby will look like....will they be a he or a she...will they be chubby and squishy....what what what?? Since we are expecting in a different way then "normal" all i can do is look on the lovely internet, and find pictures of Ethiopian children...I tend to do this when i am bored and cant wait to see what our baby will be like! Here are some pictures I found that i think are cute and fun!

I want to give this one a huge hug!

Pretty girls

I wonder if ours will have cool hair like these kids do?

Look how excited they are to see me!

New Hat

I got a new hat today! It was on sale for $12.95! I have lots of hats, but i never wear them...why you ask?? I dont know?? I do love hats though and when you find a super cute one, and its only so much money, you have to get it! That is one of my life rules.

Laaa Dee Daa Dee Doo Doo

this is our dossier.....all of it!

YAY!!!

What a beautiful day in the neighborhood! Its suppose to be 79 degrees today, which is a bit warm, but its so pretty outside! This morning, we finally sent off our dossier! I am so happy that we got it done! And it is out of our hands now, scary but necessary in order to get to our goal. So from here, it will go to the adoption agency, International Family Services. They will take a look at it and make sure everything is in order and we have all we need (fingers crossed!), then they will send it to Washington, D.C. and then off to ETHIOPIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!! And then......we wait some more....But this time, what puts an end to the wait, is our sweet lil baby..kinda...but closer to anyway...
Last week we attended our first adoption class. I was not very excited about it all to be 100% honest. I didn't know what it was going to be like...would somebody just stand up and talk about stuff we already know about?? If that was the case, i know it would have only made me more anxious and annoyed. But, luckily, it was nothing of that sort!! Melinda is her name, the teacher that is. She herself has 4 kids who all are adopted also. She has worked in this line for a while, so she is familiar with all the paper work and laws, and can also empathize with us on the more emotional part of things too. There was another couple in the class with us, they are just barely beginning the process and are adopting a baby girl from Bulgaria. I could see and feel there excitement. Josh and i were talking on the way home about how weird it is too see some one else going through what we just ended. Anyhoo, the class was more like a nice little chat about all things adoption. We talked about more personal experiences and gave and received advice. I from now on, want to refer to it as a support group. Because that's more of what the "class" will be like.
I am so grateful for all things right now. I am learning to appreciate being happy with the here and now. Looking forward only creates anxiety and fear. Looking back is something i don't do very often, but when i do, that doesn't help either. I am here right now! I am the only ME i can be right now. I cant be this me at any other time, because i wont feel or know the things i know and don't know right now! Does that make any sense? It my strange head it does. I am so thankful for Josh. I can not even begin to think even, about how perfect he is for me. I love him so much! He helps calm me down when i am freaking out about all these things, and he doesn't even really say anything. I love him...sigh.... So now we wait 4-6 months.....wish us luck!

Dream

Ok... another weird dream..... Josh and I were at a hotel somewhere. I was walking to our room, and i look over and see three really cute pit bulls. The mommy and puppy were dark brown and the dad was black with a white stripe on his nose. They noticed me and started to run after me! So I ran upthe stairs and in my head thought," DUH, dogs can run up the stairs too!" but i was already stuck up there and they were almost up. So i jumped over to the other side of the railing. I continued doing this like a was spiderman because they kept jumping at me. I wasn't scared but i was really annoyed that somebody would let there untrained dogs just run around and jump at people. So i started yelling."Whoever owns the three pit bulls needs to get out here right now and learn how to be a better dog owner!!". I was yelling really loud and two girls opened a door below me, one was in a wheelchair. They both had worried looks on their faces. The one in the wheelchair said she would go get the owner and wheeled away. Well i did end up getting down and i still wasn't scared or anything just sad that those beautiful dogs had such a stupid owner! So now back to real life....as you know, I am a crossing guard for an elementary school and as i was on my way to my corner, guess what.....Two pit bulls ran across the road right by me...one was female and dark brown, the other was a black male..with a white stripe on his nose......what does that mean? Am I psychic and if so, why did i dream about those dogs, I

only saw them for a minute while they ran down the road....

Happy New Year!

Its 2009! I can not believe it! When i was a kid i remember counting up to see how old i would be in the year 2000 and life after that just wasn't important i guess! 2008 was a great year though.... so much has changed but really nothing has, if that makes any sense at all. Josh and I have been together a total of FIVE years ( Nov. 30)! I cant believe that either! It seems like last year i looked across the room in our 3rd hour gov. class and was so excited because JOSH CAMPO was in it! Or driving around in his cool Maxima just so happy to even sit next to him! (...Sigh...). Well this year is going to be great too! If we ever can get our stuff together, our dossier will be sent off, Ethiopia will receive it, and we will have a baby this year! And our lives will change forever! I am soo anxious and excited! I have a new outlook now, i cant focus on what isn't happening i have to see what the future WILL bring to us. Then i don't go crazy! I look forward to all the family and friends i will see, and new friends i will find. All the books i am going to read, and all the movies i will see. All the future struggles, i know not what they are yet, and all the exciting rejoicing moments i will have this year. I look forward to it all, the bad and the good, happy and sad! Yes, 2009 will be a great one!