What The??!!?<"_**(^%$#@

So the last year or so, I have done something bad. I didn't know i was doing it at the time, until recently. To fully know what i am talking about i have to Start with the beginning...... Josh and me have been trying to get pregnant for about 2 years now. When we were first trying it was like, oh well next time, we have all the time in the world. Then towards the middle, it got extremely frustrating! I am really impatient anyways, and the fact that i couldn't do anything about this situation was really hard! On top of that, Every single girl around me was, and still is, getting pregnant! I don't understand how that happens! I hear of some one new every single day, that is no exaggeration! Of course the fact that i am Mormon doesn't help because every Sunday at least 2 people announce they are, in fact, pregnant. Even more, girls that aren't married dating or even in love are getting pregnant! Is it just the water i am drinking? I do drink a lot of it? Should i be careless and irresponsible and immature too? I don't want to be and i would look stupid trying to because that is just not me. I also don't get how people plan, to the day, of when they will be pregnant? Like, oh we will get pregnant i October so our daughter will be out of diapers by then, and then January of the next next year i will get pregnant again. And then it happens! HOW! I am a very healthy girl, i eat mostly organic foods, i never drink pop, unless i have bad cramps then i think i deserve a Pepsi or 2! But as far as health issues go, there is "nothing wrong with me". Well i could go on for days about how frustrated i am, but that isn't what i have done wrong, During this time, i have let myself go. I stopped believing in most things. I started looking for answers in the dumbest ways.....i became negative and sad to the point were until a few days ago, i didn't know who i was anymore! I am not a negative person, i am very optimistic, and happy! I love to laugh and have fun! I love reading and learning about things and i stopped doing all that and became this ugly person i don't like. I didn't do anything against the law or i didn't do anything actually bad, i just stopped believing in myself and those around me. So the other day, i went online and started looking up quotes and poems at a website i use to visit for years, but stopped of course, and as i was reading wisdom of others, it clicked in my head that i have been missing myself! So from now on, i am going to be me and that's it! No matter how mad or sad or hurt i feel i need to be me or i will cease to exist and i wont be happy! So I am happy now! Yes i am still sad that i have no baby in my belly, but my life is really good! I have a husband who is the bestest friend i have ever had and loves me and i love him to death! I have a cute dog that brings joy to my life and makes me laugh even though he is an animal! I have good parents and siblings and family who are so unique and fun! So now i will not be bad anymore, i am happy and loving and me again!!